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Invisibility: A Letter to the Curious

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Invisibility: A Letter to the Curious Someone asked me why I seek out visibility:  Perhaps it comes from being left out a lot throughout life -- I would see others having fun and getting photos together to show off, and I would never be in them. By the time that I did get to where they were, they would have dispersed to do other things. I even had someone intentionally leave me out of as many visibility opportunities with the clown group as possible, with her grudge against me for having exposed her exploitation of a loophole in an annual recognition. The wrath of a trophy-seeker scorned. After each running of Comic-Con or the clown convention, I looked for posts with myself in them. Those were exceptionally rare in both cases, unless it was with my own camera. A few kind individuals did step up and help out as much as they could while still having things "organic" and not some weak substitution to placate me. I wanted to show the world my creative outlet, and be "cool&
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  A Journey That Inspires Another Journey I made a second trip to Baraboo, WI for the Big Top Parade, and my time within Baraboo was an absolute gem in the weeklong trip. On the way to Baraboo, I rode the California Zephyr train to Omaha, NE where I then rented a car (actually turned out to be a tank of a truck in the form of a Nissan Titan). Aboard the train, all went fairly well, but I picked up on some underlying judgment from another passenger. In the Lounge car, I took a seat and someone nearby lamented that the reading lamp wasn't working. I tried clicking the buttons for both, figuring that perhaps he only tried one of the two, or perhaps there was a loose connection and my heavy-handed button-pushing might make that evident. He commented "I'm an electrician, so ..." and that gave me the impression that he thought of me as a fat buffoon. Whether or not this was the case, it wasn't isolated during the journey in both directions. Two decades ago, I made a con
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To Infinity and ... Invisibility?

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Brutal Reality in Disguise Little would I know that, rather than becoming my "main" where everyone would know me as the "clothie Buzz", I would nosedive into the world of invisibility, to the point of becoming a midlife crisis. Its debut at the Star Cars show in El Cajon did get into photos, but only because the main photographer made sure that I wasn't left out, despite the efforts of a few individuals who still don't believe that autistic people deserve inclusion in Cosplay. In 2021, face coverings were required in a lot of the spaces at a clown convention, and I wore Buzz to do photography at the Paradability competition. I even got the group together while the judges were scoring, and snapped a cool group photo, but no one thought to ask me to "get in there" for one with myself in it. The following year I brought the outfit again for a "staff group photo op" but that was postponed, and "street clothes only". The Lightyear mo
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Cosplay Revival 2024

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Cosplay in 2024: New Confidence   I brought my new Mysterio to SacAnime Winter 2024, and felt very welcome and included with the Sacramento Spider-Verse group at the big photoshoot & gathering. No one asked "Who are you supposed to be?" like what happened at a meet in San Diego in 2017, but rather my character was recognized and people loved it, especially for being at an anime convention :-) The air system needs repairs, but also my Agent Venom tunic and a future J. Jonah Jameson outfit are definite options for future SSV events, along with a few choices to fit the League of Heroes Inspired events. Just no more weekday events, especially if there isn't a lot of interest from others. I do look forward to parades, charity events, and gatherings with both groups, along with Solano Cosplay Gathering. Also, I'm starting to get into more gaming with two regular groups with weekly meetups.
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2024: One More Try

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2024: One More Try   The new year will bring one last attempt for visibility and inclusion in my cosplay efforts. There is a photoshoot scheduled, and also there is the rest of the day at Sac Anime for opportunities to be part of a "cosplay squad" and get posted. Of course, there is the Victory Lunch aspect with everyone getting together like friends do. How the day goes will be the final determination of how I move forward with Cosplay, whether this is a new beginning, or my withdrawal from all but a few parades and other (even more) select events.
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Brutal Reality and the Promise of Friends

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Brutal Reality I was in San Diego this Labor Day Weekend, and (other than one individual actually talking to me) the class reunion was a sea of backs, shoulders, and turned-away faces. The invisibility that I'm realizing is definitely present, unless an opportunity arises for my embarrassment in any form. This, and the "wolfpack" breaking up during an anime convention which reminded me of my attempts to try to fit in during cosplay gatherings in San Diego, cemented my desire to carve my own path with an Original Character and to weave the exclusion and other "invisibility factors" into the Jambreaker continuity when possible within the flow of the story. Fortunately, though, I did get a positive response from a local fandom group based out of Sacramento, and so my Spider-Man Last Stand outfit could get some action at upcoming events. Also, I wore my Captain Olimar to a photoshoot for a charity calendar for the first time ever. The huge "saving factor"
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Realization, or What my Subconscious Has Been Trying to Tell Me All This Time

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Realization Today, on the way home from lunch, I saw a sign with the name of one of the prolific developers here in Stockton. That reminded me of the volleyball class that I was in, thirty years ago, and remember mention of pick-up games in Grupe Park. I was ignored when I asked about joining the fun, and this triggered a massive realization (actually an epiphany) of some very brutal truth. At work, I was a "loner", with people taking advantage of the knowledge that I have no sense of smell, by gaslighting the "fact" that I reeked with body odor. This fallacy was revealed when both my mother and one of my brothers told me that I never did produce a bad musk all this time. This gave me relief as well as that sense of sadness that people, in different circles, lied to me to "protect my feelings" when shunned. The "mock musk" was the one known "excuse" for people shying away from me. Being tall, large, and autistic seems to trigger an unco
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