The Lone Wolf

Destined to be the Lone Wolf

Throughout my cosplay effforts since 2009, when I made and wore Chouji (Naruto) to San Diego Comic-Con, I wanted to be a part of something epic. Cosplay would become my Social Outlet, and the space suits with the plastic bubble helmets became my favorite, since not only are the helmets themselves my favorite costume element, the suit made for David Vetter, the Bubble Boy, just yelled out to me as the perfect match for my outlook as an autistic person trying to escape from isolation, and something unique in cosplay gatherings.

As time progressed, I would find out that I would be on the outside looking in, with a particular pre-Halloween gathering in 2016 being the writing on the wall. From someone turning to me and spitting "what the hell are you supposed to be?!?" when she spotted my AIM Suit (Marvel Comics) to never being included in the photo shots (no one cared to tell me that the photogs there were commissioned) -- I spent the whole time sitting on a bench at the Balboa Park Organ Pavilion with a hopeful expression, only to see that when a photographer headed towards me, they were going to their kit to switch out lenses or other camera attachments.

I figured that my retirement and move to Stockton would fix things, but even with a recognizable "mainstream fandom" outfit and making connections with people, I would still be on the outside looking in. My efforts for inclusion seem to still evoke the "Baby Huey" image of a clumsy oaf from the cartoons just trying to fit in, only to find out that he was only being placated at best; the group would then return to their normal activity without him.

I have discovered a cadre of kindred spirits, though, and both my cosplay and my camera provide the means to try to inspire people to continue to cosplay, even if they aren't always the trophy winners or included in the squads and victory dinners. Cosplay is supposed to be fun and not an avenue for resentment or vanity.

Howlwoooooo....