He Could Become a Gardener

A Struggle Against Perceptions of My Autism
(Quick 1- or 2-Page Version)

    When I was maybe 6 years old, I went to a clinic for testing (why I didn't fit the mold for a kid in 1971). The clinician there wasn't very nice or patient, and my mother said that I was "retarded" and my outlook was to become a gardener. Mom didn't accept that, though, and I went back to the clinic but with Mrs. Ferguson, who was much nicer. After a year of weekly sessions there, I was re-diagnosed as "normal" and went to Silvergate Elementary School (San Diego, CA) from 1st Grade.

    During 1st Grade, though, I went through being bullied, singled out by the teacher there, and was glad when Summer Vacation came around. 2nd and 3rd Grade was in a new school a few miles away in one of the richer neighborhoods, as our family "blended" with another for the next four years. Loma Portal Elementary School was a true emotional War Zone. I was referred for weekly session with a psychiatrist, Dr. Jacobson, who meant well, but with the misunderstanding around autism, he kept trying to have me change my behaviors, and even prescribed Stelazine.

    The summer before 4th Grade, I was evaluated at the San Diego Dept. of Education, and referred to the Gifted Program, which was actually Learning Assistance Class (there were three classrooms at Alice Birney Elementary, and I was apparently in the "middle category"). Things were better there, but I was still teased while the teachers just let it happen all three years through 6th Grade. I was tested at 9th Grade Reading and 12th Grade Math, although I knew nothing about Algebra or higher math levels.

    7th Grade started up, with Pacific Beach Junior High School becoming the next warzone. The principal told my mother that I should go to school later (skipping 1st Period) after everyone else has arrived. Mom asked him "Why don't you take care of the bullies?" to which he just shook his head at her. Marston Junior High, after moving from an apartment to a house, wasn't much better. Both schools had at least one teacher who ENCOURAGED the bullying and relentless teasing.

    For 10th through 12th Grade, I was accepted into the Magnet School program for Math/Science/Computers, and while I did learn a good amount about coding and science, I felt that the teachers there would rather not deal with me and rather have me just give up. As it turned out, that same principal at PBJH had been at Gompers later, just before I arrived, and the school was notorious for campus violence during his tenure there! I stuck it out and graduated "on time" with a GPA just below a "B" (2.65 on a scale with 4 being A, and higher numbers if acing honors classes). For comparison, I graduated from San Diego City College on the Dean's Honor List.

    The workplace became another type of warzone, between getting set up for failure a week before I would have completed one year in the California Conservation Corps, and resentfulness amongst the Service Reps towards anyone like myself who was fortunate enough to hire into an administrative position "off the street". Shunning from reps and management were the "normality", except for a few kind people out of the hundreds. One of them told me about her son who was similar to me, and he was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I went to the Center for Autism Research and Education in Mira Mesa, just North of San Diego, and they diagnosed me with Asperger's with other disorders. I was 43 years old and this was in 2008 -- at least there was more understanding of the Autism Spectrum, and now in the 2020s, I can be categorized as Level 1 Autism.

    The diagnosis answered a lot of questions, and I'm still making discoveries and (unfortunately) realizing why I'm still treated with resentment or shunned by some in my attempts for visibility as a cosplayer. The struggle is real, as I try to sort the scars that will never heal.

    And I have no interest in gardening. The closest thing is Sunsong Ranch on Pandaria in World of Warcraft.